I told the UK Democrats Abroad I voted for George Bush

3 PM Thursday 29 August 2013 Nunhead Heights

BLOOMSBURY FUNDRAISER Starring Stewart Lee and Me

Stewart Lee, the King of Alternative Comedy in Britain, has slotted me on the Resonance FM fundraiser at the Bloomsbury Theatre September 11th. That is really nice of him.

I hope it goes well.  I am not an alternative comic. I am a failed mainstream comic.

My last two fundraiser appearances went badly.

I was asked to entertain the Democrats Abroad at the Soho Theatre in the early Noughties. I hate Democrats. I hate anyone who says they care about the poor, because they probably don’t. And even if they do care about the poor, one has to ask their motives. Unless they are poor, themselves, and then I hate them for being poor. And I don’t respect any American who prefers living here in England. Only Democrats and the insane would flee America. See me in the second category. Wow, that was a lot of hate!

I told the audience I voted for George W Bush – and you can guess the response. Yes, it wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t true, either. I hadn’t voted since 1984, let alone for George W Bush.  Why did I tell them that?  I don’t like Republicans, either.

In 2002, did a big gala for JK Rowling’s “One Parent Families” charity at the Les Mis Theatre. 1400 seats. Her organisation promotes ripping children away from their fathers. I didn’t know this at the time or I might not have done it. And I didn’t know that later in the year I would have my children ripped away. Semi-instant karma.

I did well comedically, on the night.  I just told jokes. I can do that kind of thing if I want to. I just don’t want to.

Resonance FM is absolutely the best radio station in the world. It has give me a spot for my incompetent anarchy for over four years. Unprecedented. It HAS to be respected for that.

I can guarantee that your hard-earned money will not be wasted on this charity event.

Please come!

Benefit for Resonance FM at The Bloomsbury Theatre.
Organised by and starring Stewart Lee
and featuring me, Lewis Schaffer
Wednesday 11th September 2013
http://www.thebloomsbury.com/event/run/1839 

LEWIS SCHAFFER: NOW ON DRIVE TIME RADIO

Nunhead American Radio, the radio show of me, Lewis Schaffer, and to a lesser degree, Nunhead, returns Monday 9th of September at a new, better, time: 6:30PM.
DRIVE TIME. How incredible is that?
With the amazing Dulwich Ukulele Club providing the music. Over 120 shows since 2009.

Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer
Resonance FM 104.4FM
http://www.lewisschaffer.co.uk/radio/
Mondays, 6:30PM,
Next live show September 9th, 2013

Nunhead is more American and more News of Nunhead for 17 Dec 2012!

9 PM Monday 17 December 2012 Nunhead Heights

Listen to Nunhead on the radio – Mondays at 10:30PM LDN or 5:30PM NYC on www.resonancefm.com/listen and at 104.4fm London

News of Nunhead

Nunhead is delicious! This week, Keri Moss, 41, a freelance caterer from Nunhead, was voted the co-winner of the top prize in MasterChef: The Professionals on the BBC. Congratulations Keri!!

Nunhead is closer! It is now possible to get to the Northern line from Peckham Rye train station in less than ten minutes on the London Overground. The new service adds another route into Central London, along with taking the First Capital Connect to Elephant and Castle and the Overland to London Bridge and walking down two levels to the Northern Line. It will still take an hour to get to and from London.

Stay in Nunhead! Need a place to stay in Nunhead and I’m out of town? There are no hotels in Nunhead but there are 28 listings on airbnb.com for Bed and Breakfasts in Nunhead including a room rental on Hichisson Road for only £38 per night. Hichisson Road is considered the quietest and loveliest road in the increasingly in demand area of Nunhead Heights, part of the increasingly in demand area of Nunhead.

Nunhead is more American than ever! Two more Americans are believed to have found shelter in Nunhead Heights – according to Nunhead American mother Carolyn Kohl. We are waiting for her to contact them on our behalf! That makes 10 or 11, depending on how you count them.

Nunhead Americans to unite all Nunheaders! Reserve 7th July 2013 for Nunhead Beats the Bounds Day.

The Nunhead American Association, the community group of Nunhead Americans, is organizing a daylong event this summer. We will reinstate the age-old the British tradition of perambulating the perimeter of our village and beating the trees and building with sticks, letting all know THIS IS OUR NUNHEAD. The route is estimated to be 4.3 miles culminating in a party on Nunhead Green starring our very own Dulwich Ukulele Club.

It has been confirmed that the procession will be led by Asst. Vicar Dele Ogunyemi and Major Alan Norton of the Salvation Army and Lay Jewish Leader Randy Klein. We are looking for Muslim leaders atheists, and someone from the Not-Caring-Either-Way Community to unite our ville.

The idea of the event was planted by Councilor Renata Hamvas who alerted us to potential Southwark Council community funding. The creative spark was provided by Anna Crockatt and Richard Guard of the Dulwich Ukulele Club. Brilliant!

Go to the facebook event page: Nunhead Beats the Bounds

Tonight’s guest include beautiful New Yorker Edori Ferti – singer, artist and enchantress. Also on board is Ed Hammond, a Nunhead local who knows a lot about what’s going on here. With lovely Lisa Moyle and Chris Dixon. Enjoy!

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio 

Live shows begin 8 January 2013

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow 

 

Nunhead Nudist Loses Turner Prize. This, and other News Of Nunhead 3 Dec 2012

9 PM Monday 3 December 2012 Increasingly in Demand Nunhead Heights.

Nunhead, Nunhead. At least the place isn’t called Bellenden, as in bell end. Or Dulwich, as in dull. or Peckham as is – yuck, Peckham. And no one likes Brockley, as in broccoli (except me). PS Those are neighboring areas.

Listen tonight to Nunhead American Radio, Monday evening at 10:30PM. On www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London.

The most viewed map of London has had an empty space where Nunhead is. Peckham Rye is being added to the tube map, which is an slight improvement.

New trains starting next week now provide direct service to Clapham Junction in the West and Canary Wharf in the East for people in Lower Nunhead but make it harder to reach Victoria and London Bridge.

The sister community of Bellenden is promoting a campaign to restore the South London Line after London Bridge is rebuilt. See weblink above.

Black dog with white patches, slightly bigger and similar looking to a Jack Russell terrier, has free run of Nunhead Heights, the increasingly in-demand area of London. Tell the Southeast Central Forum what you know about the dog or the owner. 

Goats’ Cheese Fondue, Marinated Artichoke & Beetroot Focaccia at Frog on The Green, Nunhead – has been rated the best sandwich in Nunhead according to the London Review of Sandwiches.

Congratulations to our friend John Gionleka, a guest of Nunhead American Radio and go his restaurant! It is delicious.

Our scheduled guests this week are comic musician Christian Steele who shares a similar situation, child and wife-wise, as I do. Speaking out for the Ivy House is Hugo Simms and @Save_Ivy_House campaign (on twitter) and lovely French photographer Elisabeth Blanchet talking about her photographs of World War Two-era prefabricated housing in Nunhead.

This Just In: Nunhead nudist artist Spartacus Chetwynd has not won the Turner Prize. Nunhead is safe from the star-chasers who would have come to Nunhead to gawk at our Turner Prize-winning Nunhead nudist-artists. 

Lisa Moyle is back. Enjoy! And Chris Dixon!

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio 

 See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow 

 

 

Nunhead gives thanks for Lewis Schaffer. News of 25 November 2012.

9 PM Monday 25 November 2012 Increasingly in Demand Nunhead Heights.

Nunhead, Nunhead. No matter how many trains Transport for London adds or removes from Nunhead Station, Peckham Rye, Honor Oak Park, or Queen’s Road Peckham stations, it will still take an hour to get anywhere from the increasingly in demand Nunhead Heights.

Listen tonight, Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London to Nunhead American Radio. 

East London Lines begin service at Peckham Rye and Queens Road Peckham on December 9th. The London Bridge to Victoria rail loop is being discontinued and trains will go directly to Clapham Junction.

If  I got gigs again in the Clapham Junction area then this would be amazing but I don’t. 

The Save the Ivy House Campaign – @Save_Ivy_House – is still waiting to know what is going on with the Ivy House, the very first pub saved under new legislation protecting ‘Community Assets’. As I have noted before, five or six times, only in Nunhead would a pub be a community asset.

We only know the owner is proper angry, is thinking of suing Southwark Council and won’t let the local people into the pub to survey it. Whoever screams loudest will win this one. 

Last week on Nunhead American Radio, all Nunhead gave thanks to Lewis Schaffer. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIY3FERHK5s

The Cheltenham Café, the worker’s café of choice in the increasingly in demand Nunhead Heights, now has evening takeaway. Cypriot kebabs and grills and a free bottle of wine for orders over £25. Why can’t British cafes stay open for dinner out like in the US of A? Call 02077322459 to get your free bottle of wine. Seriously: Why can’t there be diner-type restaurants in the UK?

In the debate over what to do about the Elephant and Castle Roundabout of Death, this was said:

“We need to move away from 1970s design, where pedestrians are supposed to be somewhere and vehicles get to enjoy super highways where they can go as fast as they like.”

Who said those wise words?

The Southwark Council Cabinet Member for Transport, Environment, and Recycling.

I will mention that if the Council tries to remove on-street parking on the Heights.

Today, Nunhead American Radio is the 45th entry in a Google search for “Nunhead”. It was 672th during a check last year. Moving on up!

Happy Birthday to Nunhead American Radio’s Lisa Moyle’s other husband, David Moyle. He is 39! Actually, I don’t know his age and don’t care. Where is Lisa? That is what matters.

Our special guest couldn’t make it tonight. Save the Ivy House @Save_Ivy_House are coming in next week.

Instead we have personal favourites: Comic Near Nunheader Charmian Hughes and my older brother Randy Klein, New York Nunhead American Artist. He is sitting in for Lisa Moyle. Enjoy!

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

 Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio 

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow 

Nunhead’s anonymity ended Friday, 16th November 2012 – News of Nunhead

9 PM Monday 19 November 2012 Nunhead Heights

News of Nunhead for 19 November 2012

Nunhead’s anonymity ended Friday.

The London Times, as Americans call the The Times of London, published an article about Nunhead in its real estate section. Ironically, the report entitled “Wake Up to Nunhead” showed a photo of Nunhead Cemetery where the greatest cause of death listed on tombstones is “Fell Asleep”.

Then again, the article was behind News International pay wall so probably no one saw it.

A beautiful kitten is available in Nunhead for £60 on Gumtree. 

On a lighter note, a funeral in Camberwell New Cemetery was interrupted by gunfire. That is according to the Southwark News, the Official Newspaper of Nunhead American Radio. If you have any news to report, contact emma@southwarknews.co.uk or me. 

A cannabis smoker was arrested in Priory Court, home to celebrated New York comic Lewis Schaffer. He was found to be in possession of over sixty pot plants and claimed that this stash was for his own use. I can confirm he never shared it with me.

A three-bedroom house, similar in size to my old home, now in full possession by my ex-wife, is for sale on Nunhead Heights for £475,000. Nunhead Heights is the increasingly in-demand area of London. Call Winkworth and mention you heard it on Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer.

A Nunhead Heights man wasted police time this week.

He did not complete a police report about his missing phone. After an half-hour of police time he realized that going to the police was a mug’s game. The Nunhead Heights man also expressed doubts about accusing a local news agent of the theft, being unsure.

Instead, he approached the news agent later in the week and asked the man to reveal the distinctive IMEI number of his iPhone. When the news agent agreed without fuss, and the number proved different, the Nunhead man was much relieved. 

The Southwark Council was recognized by the Southwark News for its commitment to paying a ‘living wage’ to all its workers. The Council, now under Labour control, should be commended for the about-turn after having destroyed the worker’s living wage by allowing uncontrolled immigration into the country. The Nunhead American community does not add to the problem as we are not workers, per se.

In Sports News: The Athenlay Under-10s Football Team won their second game in a row, saving the managerial job of Steve Scanlon. Rumors were abounding that Harry Redknapp would have been called in after a winless season.

Athenlay breezed to victory 4-2 with Nunhead Heights resident Carnegie Schaffer in goal, playing a decent game and making a late save which clinched the match.

Finally, the illustrious Southwark News printed on paper, and not just on their website, Lewis Schaffer’s tweet regarding the preservation of the Ivy House. “Only in Nunhead is a pub a “listed community asset”. Thank you Sothwark News.

And that’s the News from Nunhead. 

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

 Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio 

 See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow 

 

Obama Gains Advantage in Earliest Vote – Nunhead UK

NUNHEAD AMERICAN RADIO with LEWIS SCHAFFER
Nunhead, United Kingdom

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

OBAMA GAINS FIRST ADVANTAGE IN EARLIEST VOTE

Nunhead, November 5th, 2012 — Nunhead, a haven for Americans in Britain has conducted the first poll for the United States Presidential Election. The winner is…

Nunhead is the first place to declare the results of its Presidential Election vote – even earlier than New Hampshire’s Dixville Notch.

In a poll of all known Americans living in Nunhead – ten in total – Barack Hussein Obama, the President of the United States, gained seven votes to only one for Governor Mitt Romney. One resident refused to make a preference and another did not vote.

Nunhead is an inner-city suburb of London five miles from Big Ben and has a sizable American population. It is estimated that one out of every thousand residents is an American.

The results were counted on New York comedian Lewis Schaffer’s weekly radio program on Resonance FM: Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer.

‘Nunhead Americans aren’t like regular Americans’ offered host Lewis Schaffer. ‘100% of Nunhead Americans have passports against only 18% of all Americans.’

Mr. Schaffer, who cast the only vote for Mitt Romney noted ‘These people [Nunhead Americans] are very liberal and probably deep down America-haters. Why else would you leave the Greatest Country in the World?’

Dixville Notch, which has a funny name as does Nunhead, announces their result just after Midnight on Tuesday morning. Nunhead’s announcement was made at 5:55PM Eastern Standard Time or 10:55PM GMT on Monday.

For more information,
Contact: James Gold at 07886504221

@lewisschaffer – twitter

Listen to Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com/listen and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts on itunes at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

NUNHEAD AMERICAN RADIO, RESONANCE FM, LONDON

Nunhead Casts First US Presidential Election Votes – Monday 5th November 2012

9 PM Monday 5 November 2012 Nunhead Heights

FOR NUNHEAD ELECTION RESULTS CLICK HERE.

Nunhead, Nunhead, a haven for the American in Britain – where one out of every fifteen hundred residents is an American. Americans here are never called ‘expats’ as we are never ‘ex-patriotic’

Listen live tonight at 10:30PM UK and 5:30PM NYC Time on 104.4FM London and streaming at http://www.resonancefm.com/listen

Nunhead is the first place to declare the results of its Presidential Election vote – even before New Hampshire’s Dixville Notch!

Announcement to be made at 5:58PM Eastern Standard Time – 10:58PM GMT on Nunhead American Radio

Your tally sheet

Registered Nunhead Americans:

Ananda* –
Carolyn –
Heather* –
Jeff K –
Jeremiah –
Jeremy –
Lewis –
Matt+ –
Randy –
Rebecca –

*Borderline but accepted, + Missing.

Honorary Nunhead Borders – To be counted in case of a tie.

Chuquai –
Edori –
Jeff M –
Jim E –
Lisa M –
Robin S –

English People We Love – English people cannot vote in American elections and should stop thinking they have a say in American affairs!

Chris –
Leanne –
Richard –
Anna –
Peter –

Other News of Nunhead:

The historic pub the Ivy House became the first building in the UK saved under the new “Localism Act.” The venue was home to many pre-punk rock bands, punk rock bands, post-punk rock bands, proto-punk rock bands, and nothing-to-do-with-punk rock bands.

Buildings listed under the Act cannot be sold without giving community groups the right to bid for them. Only in Britain would a pub built in the 1930s be considered a ‘community asset’.

Nunhead made the national television news this weekend, or at least the BBC, when a rededication ceremony was held at Nunhead Cemetery. The dead from World War One [1914-1918] were reburied or re-something, I am not sure. The woods above their resting places were cleared, a new monument places, and birch trees planted in the deforested grounds where foxes once scampered and finches once nested. A win-win for the forgotten dead.

From Friday 16th November, Baby Yoga classes will be at The Old Nun’s Head Pub, Nunhead Green.

“Baby Yoga is massage strokes (fully clothed), lots of songs & rhymes coordinated with movements, soft stretching & relaxation. Movement positions include laying, seated, standing and lifts.”

Also exhibited will be drooling, crying, pooing, napping, and more crying, and general disinterest.

Our special guest couldn’t make it today.

George Lucas is too busy giving away all of the money he made from selling his Star Wars films to Disney to show up at our studios. Making all of us mere earthlings feel inadequate.

Instead, we have the lovely Tania Edwards, a pure English comic; Robin Schacht, a pure American Washingonian and ex of Nunhead, and I am mean the real thing, not some interloper; and finally, possibly Jeff Kuntz, the Missourian Nunhead American.

My Co-Host is Lisa Moyle. Chris Dixon is working the desk. The House Band is the Dulwich Ukulele Club lead by Richard Guard with Anna Crockatt and Peter Hudson.

Enjoy.

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com/listen and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at
bit.ly/londonfreeshow

Nunhead Cemetery: Death by 267 More Cuts. The News of Nunhead for 22 October 2012

9:30 PM Monday 22 October 2012 Nunhead Heights

News of Nunhead

What Munich is to Octoberfest; what Rio is to Carnival; what New York is to food, shopping, rap music, musicals, business, disco, sex…; the increasingly in demand Nunhead is to Halloween. We have three huge cemeteries making Nunhead the Land of the Dead. 

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Monday at 10:30PM UK and 5:30PM New York on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Listen tonight or look below for the link iTunes Podcast.

A rededication service is to be held on Sunday 4th November in Nunhead Cemetery marking the complete renovation and reinstatement of 267 soldiers graves from the First World War.

World War One ended in 1918.

Is this a case of the Commonwealth War Graves Commission having too much money as the government isn’t killing as many soldiers as they used to and they have to find a way spend the money? My apologies if wrong. 

Only about 40% of wild Nunhead Cemetery is ‘protected’. I think the rest is open for ‘renovation’ which means neatly cut grass and no birds or bees, and more burials.

Why not join the Nunhead Choir at the Ivydale School this Thursday? Meet at 8 PM the 25th October 2012 and sing until 9:45 PM for only £5 a session. A maximum of £40 for the term. You will be lead by Richard Swan who is not only musically talented but quite a looker. Go to their website: NunheadChoir.org.uk.

A four-bedroomed house on St Mary’s Road in Lower Nunhead, equidistant from two train stations I don’t use, is being offered for sale at £750,000. That is three-quarters of a million dollars in a time of a grinding credit crunch. Even more proof that this radio show has increased property values in Nunhead.

On Saturday 27th October, the London Wildlife Trust will be leading an Autumnal walk along the dismantled Crystal Palace High Level railway. Meet outside Nunhead Station at 10:45AM with the London Wildlife Trust. The line was closed in 1954, if I remember correctly. 

The autumnal tree colours in Nunhead are more beautiful than anywhere else in the world because they last longer here, due to the slow decline to a winter freeze due to our West Coast Maritime climate, buffered from the ocean by the Nunhead Hills, and the warmth of its people.

The Southwark Council, according to nunheadnags.wordpress.com has funded first Nunhead Green shopfront under a new scheme to show how shopfronts they can be restored sensitively.

I have not noticed, in my very cursory reading, the main reason for the Green not doing well – the shortage of parking – is either omitted from the Regeneration Plan or doesn’t play a very large role. Ah, well, I cannot save the world, let alone Nunhead.

Our special guest couldn’t make it tonight. Mitt Romney is running for President of the United States. He is out worshipping his crazy God that makes him wear magical underpants. Barack Obama’s religion is reasonable. He worships a man who didn’t have a father.

Instead, as guests we have The Woodentops, my absolutely favorite rock band, are based in Nunhead Borders by Peckham Rye Park. Actually, just leader and front man Rolo McGinty. 

They are playing a rare gig Friday 26 October 2012 at Nambucca, 596 Holloway Road N7 6LB London, UK. Nearest Tube Archway on the Northern Line. Gig info click here. I am going, will you? 

Also on the show is the lovely American Heather Anderson, who lives hard by the Nunhead Train Station.

They join East Dulwich American Lisa Moyle, England Engineer Chris Dixon, and our house band, The Dulwich Ukulele Club with Richard Guard and Anna Crockatt. They have a big show in Peckham Rye on October 27th! The Day of the Dead!  We’ll all be there!

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow

Mysterious Auction of the Ivy House. News of Nunhead for 15 October 2012.

9:30 PM 15 October 2012 Nunhead Heights

News of Nunhead

Nunhead is a Land of Mystery: From the origin of our name to the many dead people buried in our three cemeteries; from the two massive yet hidden water reservoirs to a secret nudist colony, Nunhead is nothing if not mysterious.

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Monday at 10:30PM UK and 5:30PM New York on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London

The Ivy House, my local pub and a place I regret not frequenting before it closed, is up for auction. This is less than three weeks after being sold outright. Another Nunhead mystery. Thank you Nunheader Matt Soper for this news.

The auctioneers called Nunhead Heights “a popular and up and coming residential locality”. Congratulations go to Nunhead American Radio for fulfilling my Stated Number One Goal: To raise property prices in the Heights.

The Dish and the Spoon Café on Cheltenham Road announces it menu for Tuesday:
Carrot and Ginger Soup with bread and butter
Moons Green Ham & Sun Dried Tomato Tart
with green salad, fennel & red onion slaw
Ploughmans Platter – Your choice from the deli of two cheeses, salad, and bread and butter, or one cheese,
one slice of Moons Green Ham or Chorizo.

Actually, this was the menu for two Fridays ago. I think the place is special. Check it out. 61 Cheltenham Road, SE15 3AF.

The Woodentops, my absolutely favorite rock band, are based in Nunhead Borders by Peckham Rye Park. I befriended front man Rolo McGinty at the Fathers’ Under Fives Play Group at St Anthony’s and St Silas Church in Nunhead. The group was called by my ex “The Losers Club’. Rolo isn’t a loser but a proper rocker.

They are playing a rare gig Friday 26 October 2012 at Nambucca, 596 Holloway Road N7 6LB London, UK. Nearest Tube Archway on the Northern Line. Gig info click here.

Assume the show will be sold out and not just because it’s the Woodentops. It is “John Peel Night 2012” at the venue where the BBC DJ’s life is annually celebrated. We now know why John Peel’s favourite song was The Undertones’ Teenage Kicks.

Our special guest couldn’t make it tonight. Mr. Free Speech has been hijacked by Mr. Can’t Cause Me Offense, in front of the Google Building in West London.

Instead, we are blessed to have the lovely Ms. Kate Smurthwaite, one of the most committed atheist comics in the business – in a business as crammed with atheists as Topshop is crammed with tight jeans. And making a repeat appearance is Father Dele Ogunyemi of St Anthony’s and St Silas’s Church in Nunhead. A voice for God.

I know you are thinking it was a planned confrontation between the Very Right Vicar and the Vocal Vexer. The answer is that it is just a coincidence. I am not that organized. I just heard that Kate was single and…

Also on the show is lovely American Lisa Moyle, Englander Chris Dixon, and our house band, The Dulwich Ukulele Club with Richard Guard and Anna Crockatt. Big show in Peckham Rye on October 27th!

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow

Speak the Queen’s English, this American says. Say ‘three’ not ‘free’ or ‘tree’

1 AM Saturday Morning 12 October 2012 Nunhead Heights.

‘When you come from Noo Yawk, you tawk like diss.’

I paid $3600 to the late speech guru Sam Chwat in 1984 to get rid of my New York accent. If you know me you’re thinking he did a piss poor job but you should have heard me before.

‘Dree for dree’. That is how I would have pronounced my Nunhead bus – the 343 to London Bridge and New Cross Gate – had I not discovered the great Sam Chwat.

I took the lessons so I could sell advertising space to the paper manufacturer in Appleton, Wisconsin and furniture manufacturer in Zeeland, Michigan. The New York accent is perfect if you want someone in mid-America to take you for cop or cabbie or criminal but if you want them to trust you you’d better sound like George Clooney. I was trying for Walter Cronkite, the newsman.

Old school New Yorkers of a certain class and education didn’t pronounce the TH sound. It is a dental fricative – meaning you have to vibrate your tongue through your teeth – and not generally spoken around the world. The Spanish and the Greeks have similar sounds but most languages don’t. 

The French say ‘sree’. The Germans ‘zree’, the Irish say ‘tree’ and people from South London say ‘free’.  In Northern England they don’t say ‘free’. They say ‘tree’ from the Irish influx.

In Nunhead, the common pronunciation of the 343 bus is ‘free for free bus’.

Tell me if I am wrong. I’m not a journalist nor am I linguist and I am not good with accents as I don’t like to listen to other people.

The change in pronunciation away from old school English bothers me.

Runway Three? Runway Free? Or even Runway Tree?

You’d want your pilot or air traffic controller to know and hear the difference. Runway Three is not ‘free’ as there is a ‘tree’ on it. If it is free and there is a tree on the runway…

‘Is this the free bus or the free bus?’ ‘Free, I fink.’

At least my New Yorkese ‘dree’ is just a sound and not another word. That’s how I justify it.

I shouldn’t care but I do.

I care because my mother was so unreliable that I searched for the constant in the world. I should do an entire post about this. Please remind me.

Of course, there is nothing constant in this world. All change is unstoppable. The basic teaching of Buddhism, according to Dr. Suzuki, is transiency. Everything changes.

The New York accent has morphed during my lifetime. ‘Dems and does’ – ‘thems and thoses’ – has moved out to the Jersey Shore with the old Italian, Irish and Russians.

The new New Yorkers talk all like Rosie Perez or J.Lo and shit, as Puerto Ricans and southern blacks moved in, and the middle class returned to New York from across America, and they’re using the TH sound again. Maybe in a few years you won’t be hearing ‘dems or does’ at all. I’ll rage against that, too.

There is change going on as England. It is being inundated with people who cannot pronounce the TH as it used to be pronounced. The Poles, Nigerian, French, and Somalis don’t have that sound in their languages.

The question is: Tree or Free? Or will ‘Three’ make a comeback because it is needed to stop planes landing on unfree runways with trees on them?

But more important: Will I learn how to stop fighting every fing that changes?

PS: I didn’t really have to pay the $3600. My health insurance company footed the bill. If you want to know why health insurance is so high, look no further than this.

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

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