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Nunhead is more American and more News of Nunhead for 17 Dec 2012!

17 Dec

9 PM Monday 17 December 2012 Nunhead Heights

Listen to Nunhead on the radio – Mondays at 10:30PM LDN or 5:30PM NYC on and at 104.4fm London

News of Nunhead

Nunhead is delicious! This week, Keri Moss, 41, a freelance caterer from Nunhead, was voted the co-winner of the top prize in MasterChef: The Professionals on the BBC. Congratulations Keri!!

Nunhead is closer! It is now possible to get to the Northern line from Peckham Rye train station in less than ten minutes on the London Overground. The new service adds another route into Central London, along with taking the First Capital Connect to Elephant and Castle and the Overland to London Bridge and walking down two levels to the Northern Line. It will still take an hour to get to and from London.

Stay in Nunhead! Need a place to stay in Nunhead and I’m out of town? There are no hotels in Nunhead but there are 28 listings on for Bed and Breakfasts in Nunhead including a room rental on Hichisson Road for only £38 per night. Hichisson Road is considered the quietest and loveliest road in the increasingly in demand area of Nunhead Heights, part of the increasingly in demand area of Nunhead.

Nunhead is more American than ever! Two more Americans are believed to have found shelter in Nunhead Heights – according to Nunhead American mother Carolyn Kohl. We are waiting for her to contact them on our behalf! That makes 10 or 11, depending on how you count them.

Nunhead Americans to unite all Nunheaders! Reserve 7th July 2013 for Nunhead Beats the Bounds Day.

The Nunhead American Association, the community group of Nunhead Americans, is organizing a daylong event this summer. We will reinstate the age-old the British tradition of perambulating the perimeter of our village and beating the trees and building with sticks, letting all know THIS IS OUR NUNHEAD. The route is estimated to be 4.3 miles culminating in a party on Nunhead Green starring our very own Dulwich Ukulele Club.

It has been confirmed that the procession will be led by Asst. Vicar Dele Ogunyemi and Major Alan Norton of the Salvation Army and Lay Jewish Leader Randy Klein. We are looking for Muslim leaders atheists, and someone from the Not-Caring-Either-Way Community to unite our ville.

The idea of the event was planted by Councilor Renata Hamvas who alerted us to potential Southwark Council community funding. The creative spark was provided by Anna Crockatt and Richard Guard of the Dulwich Ukulele Club. Brilliant!

Go to the facebook event page: Nunhead Beats the Bounds

Tonight’s guest include beautiful New Yorker Edori Ferti – singer, artist and enchantress. Also on board is Ed Hammond, a Nunhead local who knows a lot about what’s going on here. With lovely Lisa Moyle and Chris Dixon. Enjoy!

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at 

Live shows begin 8 January 2013

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at 



Israel or Palestine: Which side of the wall are you on?

25 Nov

3 PM Sunday 23rd November 2012 Nunhead Heights.

When you have to build a wall around your country, you’re dead. Bob Dylan sang ‘he not busy being born is busy dying’ and a wall means you’re on the homestretch.

The Romans and their walls. They went no further and eventually collapsed. Or rich people in their gated communities, living in fear. And when the white South Africans tried to practice Apartheid.

Winners conquer, control, meld, and even kill, if necessary. But they don’t build walls until they have given up growing.

Israel was the last European colony.

It was founded in the 20th Century when Europe was receding everywhere. European Jews from Russia and Germany colonized Palestine before and after World World War Two, at the same time the Germans made a late attempt at creating their Empire.

The Nazis may not have thought of these Jews as being German, or even European, but I don’t think the Arabs or the Asians can see the difference between a German Jew or German Christian. Israelis are foreigners in the Middle East.

Europe is fraying everywhere. The Judeo-Christian faith, if you can bunch the two together, is being harassed from Egypt to Nigeria to Iraq.

Russia is struggling to hold on to Chechnya and Dagestan. Britain has long given up on Africa and India. America cannot tell Mexico what to do anymore, and the United States has become a colony of Mexico. Once a European could walk anywhere in the world without being molested. Now there are parts of Britain where we don’t feel safe.

When I was a kid I thought of moving to Israel.

Every Jewish kid in America in the 1960s did. At least the nerdy ones. I didn’t emigrate because we American Jews knew we had it good. If you were in Russia and you couldn’t get to America, yes, move to Israel. Or a dirt poor persecuted Yemeni Jew – of course.  Or mental, because you believed that ‘Next Year In Jerusalem’ prayer stuff. Only nutty folks bought into that.

But alot of Jews wished for our own country where we would be safe, like other nations had.  But the tectonic plates of world history are moving. They always are. And there is no security in the world, and definitely no security for the Jews.

When a nation isn’t allowed to kill 150 people to protect it’s citizens from being hit by a torrent of rockets, well, you know they’re up against a wall. And that wall is soon to come down.

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at 

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at 

Nunhead’s anonymity ended Friday, 16th November 2012 – News of Nunhead

19 Nov

9 PM Monday 19 November 2012 Nunhead Heights

News of Nunhead for 19 November 2012

Nunhead’s anonymity ended Friday.

The London Times, as Americans call the The Times of London, published an article about Nunhead in its real estate section. Ironically, the report entitled “Wake Up to Nunhead” showed a photo of Nunhead Cemetery where the greatest cause of death listed on tombstones is “Fell Asleep”.

Then again, the article was behind News International pay wall so probably no one saw it.

A beautiful kitten is available in Nunhead for £60 on Gumtree

On a lighter note, a funeral in Camberwell New Cemetery was interrupted by gunfire. That is according to the Southwark News, the Official Newspaper of Nunhead American Radio. If you have any news to report, contact or me. 

A cannabis smoker was arrested in Priory Court, home to celebrated New York comic Lewis Schaffer. He was found to be in possession of over sixty pot plants and claimed that this stash was for his own use. I can confirm he never shared it with me.

A three-bedroom house, similar in size to my old home, now in full possession by my ex-wife, is for sale on Nunhead Heights for £475,000. Nunhead Heights is the increasingly in-demand area of London. Call Winkworth and mention you heard it on Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer.

A Nunhead Heights man wasted police time this week.

He did not complete a police report about his missing phone. After an half-hour of police time he realized that going to the police was a mug’s game. The Nunhead Heights man also expressed doubts about accusing a local news agent of the theft, being unsure.

Instead, he approached the news agent later in the week and asked the man to reveal the distinctive IMEI number of his iPhone. When the news agent agreed without fuss, and the number proved different, the Nunhead man was much relieved. 

The Southwark Council was recognized by the Southwark News for its commitment to paying a ‘living wage’ to all its workers. The Council, now under Labour control, should be commended for the about-turn after having destroyed the worker’s living wage by allowing uncontrolled immigration into the country. The Nunhead American community does not add to the problem as we are not workers, per se.

In Sports News: The Athenlay Under-10s Football Team won their second game in a row, saving the managerial job of Steve Scanlon. Rumors were abounding that Harry Redknapp would have been called in after a winless season.

Athenlay breezed to victory 4-2 with Nunhead Heights resident Carnegie Schaffer in goal, playing a decent game and making a late save which clinched the match.

Finally, the illustrious Southwark News printed on paper, and not just on their website, Lewis Schaffer’s tweet regarding the preservation of the Ivy House. “Only in Nunhead is a pub a “listed community asset”. Thank you Sothwark News.

And that’s the News from Nunhead. 

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

 Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at 

 See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at 


Seeing through it all on facebook about Obama and Obamacare. And the NHS, too.

21 Sep

1 PM Friday 22 September 2012 Nunhead Heights

“I am Obamacare. I’m 34 and my job does not provide benefits or health insurance. I was in pain for days and went to the ER. I discovered my uterus was full of tumors. I couldn’t pay for surgery and because I was now a “pre-existing condition” insurance companies could (and did!) turn me down for coverage. But because President Obama passed Health Care reform, I was able to get PCIP and the surgery I needed to get well. Thank you President Obama for helping me live and heal when others said no.”

A 34 year-old woman somewhere in America is diagnosed with tumors at a hospital emergency room. I saw it posted on facebook today. I hate those kind of posts but read every single one.

She wrote she couldn’t pay for surgery and because she had a “pre-existing condition”
the insurance companies turned her down for coverage.

First, of course you can’t get health insurance after you get sick. It’s like calling DirectLine, Churchill’s, the AA, or the RAC after the car accident and seeing if they’ll pay to have your car fixed. It’s called “insurance” for a reason.

And if she couldn’t afford insurance BEFORE she had the “tumors” how could she afford insurance afterwards? She didn’t say how.

No one in America is denied medical treatment because they don’t have the money to pay.

There would have been a hospital in her town that would have done her surgery. Then she would then have been presented with a bill for the surgery and expected to pay at a later date. Yes, she would be expected to pay for a service which other people pay for, either in cash or through their health insurance companies. And if she couldn’t pay, well, luckily there are no debtor’s prisons in America.

I explain Obamacare in a previous post.

This woman took a chance in not getting health insurance and she pocketed the money she saved. And she WON. Now she is covered by Obamacare at no cost or low cost! Now other people who actually paid for health insurance out of their own pockets are expected to pay for her.

This bit is about me:

Yesterday, I visited my doctor in East Dulwich. My GP is a lovely woman and she gave me ten minutes to tell her all my problems.

I told here that I stop breathing when I’m asleep and have been told I snore loudly. That I have been waking very often in the night to urinate. That my dodgy knee is acting up – three years after surgery. That I am having trouble sleeping and feel stressed. Oh, and my high blood pressure is still raging.

I had only ten minutes with her but given more time I am sure I would have come up with more ailments. Oh, I forgot. I did. I told her I didn’t feel that capable down there any more, if you know what I mean. Down there.

I walked out with an appointment with a sleep lab, tests scheduled for my PSA count and renal function, an appointment with joint doctor. I didn’t get the sleeping pills or the Valium I really wanted. I got another prescription for Viagra. I let the last prescription lapse as they were £8 a pill. Sex isn’t worth the money.

My point: Free and Unlimited health care is unsustainable either in America where it is led by private insurers or in the UK where it’s state-run. It will collapse under the weight of people like that horrible “I am Obamacare” woman with the tumors and horrible middle-aged and old people like me demanding health services and unwilling to pay for them. And you’re to blame, too.

And that is something you don’t read on facebook.

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at

1 Aug

Here is my poster that is lost somewhere in the bowels of the Three Sisters. Thank you John for reposting it. Photo by Arwa Wallen, Design by David Hardcastle, Idea by Sajeela Kershi, show name and artistic intervention by Karen O. Sponsored by Peter Goddard, He’s a nice guy.

SO IT GOES - John Fleming's blog

I drove up from London to Edinburgh overnight last night.

At 4.00am, in a service station 65 miles from Edinburgh, I checked my e-mails.

One was from the American comedian Lewis Schaffer. It said starkly:

“My posters were lost at the Three Sisters venue. Three Sisters lost them. Not the German delivery company.”

I think this means Lewis will have a good Fringe because, without unhappiness, he is never happy. He thrives on adversity.

Another e-mail was from comedian Darren Walsh reminding me that, on Monday, he “will attempt to tweet a pun based on the name of every single comedian (who has a Twitter account) performing at the Edinburgh Fringe this year… Twitter only allows 1,000 tweets per day. So, from more than 2,695 shows, I will pick 1,000 comedians and make 1,000 puns. Some will be good, some will be bad and some will be downright terrible.”


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Why can’t we be told what diseases are going around? News of Nunhead for Nunhead American Radio – 18 June 2012.

18 Jun

9 PM “Nunhead American Radio Night” (Monday) 18 June 2012 – Nunhead Heights

Did you know that you should brush your teeth BEFORE you eat? Something to do with the plaque generating acids as soon a food enters the mouth.

That is a bit of news that the Special Medical Advisor for Nunhead and East Dulwich suggested might be good for my dental health. [Well, she is my medical advisor.]

Dr. Nedd, lets call her,  has a chest cold and she was pleased to hear that I have had one for three weeks. It was NOT Schadenfreude – it meant she wasn’t alone. I hope it wasn’t Schadenfreude.

Chest colds have hit Nunhead. My union-leader flatmate, Fidel (real name) and the full-on Luke (real name), the intense cyclist slash tennis player slash father of Elliot – both have it. I know because I tell everyone I’m sick. I take “How are you?” literally. And then they tell me.

But most people live alone in sickness. And the doctor’s surgeries don’t seem to have much information. It is all new to them – like you’re the first person in the area throwing up. Meanwhile the waiting room is covered in sick.

One would think – and this is what I ran by the Special Medical Advisor – that every surgery would have a link to a NHS central disease control office. The number and type of illnesses seen that day at every surgery would be reported to the NHS. The data would be collated and transmitted back to the surgeries, to the press and thru the web.

Newspapers and websites could print a daily Medical Map and Forecast of flu hotspots and common colds.

We, the average person, could learn that…

“Viral Common Cold NH2-P7 moving from Bromley to Lewisham and entering Southwark. High numbers seen in Nunhead. Average lifespan of symptoms 14.5 days. Coughing. Minor rise in temperature. Highly contagious. Risk of flu, 4 (four) on the Schaffer Scale. Common Cold 7 (Seven). Touch of TB in Peckham.”

Every doctor’s surgery would know what was going around and they wouldn’t waste our time (and risk the immuno-efficiency of the country) by handing out useless antibiotics. You wouldn’t even need to go to the doctor’s because you knew that you had what everybody else had.

And they could do this because of the NHS and every surgery has a contract with the NHS and the English invented the internet. She thought this was brilliant idea!

What do you think?

Here is the News of Nunhead for Today:

Lewis Schaffer has caused a bit of stir by accusing the council of either planning to cut down the forests of Nunhead (in our cemeteries) and lying about considering paving over the playing fields at the Honor Oak Rec. Or vice versa.

His post on the subject is the second most read post in the history of The most was the one on my dead friend who left a legacy of a photo a day for 17 years.

I am about to propose breaking off the leafy bits of Southwark to form a new council – better serving our needs. Nunhead, East Dulwich, Dulwich, and Bellenden in Peckham.

We should join the leafy bits of Lewisham (Honor Oak Park, Forest Hill), Bromley (Crystal Palace), Lambeth (Norwoord, Tulse Hill) and Croydon (Gipsy Hill) to form a new council. I thought of this myself but have since learned I am not the first. Any ideas for a name? Five Points? Leafy Bits? Nunhead?

An 83-year-old man is missing from Nunhead since the 7th of June. There is a law regarding the missing. The younger the missing person the more people don’t care.

But people seem to care about Pat Connelly. He’s “white, about 5’6″, has white hair, though mostly bald. He has a strong Irish accent. He has slightly protruding ears. Narrow, slightly pointed nose. Very defined cheek bones. Slender build.”

He is known to visit Nunhead Cemetery often, which is, after all, convenient. [Sorry]. If you see him, call the police, obviously.

Tracey Francis of Nunhead Film Festival – – has informed me of a special film event at Cinema Bambuni. She is Howard Francis’s partner and she is black.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, 19th June at 8 PM at Cinema Bambuni you’ll get dinner, a glass of wine and the film “Submarine” for only £12. “Submarine” is the story of a 15-year-old boy trying to lose his virginity. At my age I would pay to regain my virginity.

IMDB raters gave it a 7.3 average out of 10 which is very good. Kids under 18 like it best and men over 45 liked it least. But the old guys still loved it. Go to Bambuni at 143 Evelina Road SE15 3HB.

The Dish and the Spoon deli on Cheltenham Road seems to be going strong. It looks so fresh and clean. I never leave the house before 3 in the afternoon so I miss it. It closes at 5. Keep meaning to!

Many thanks to Richard Thomas, Ed Baxter, Lisa Moyle, Christ Dixon, and our guest for tonight’s show (if they turn up!): Rolo McGinty of the Woodentops, Chuquai Billy, comic, and Jeff Kuntz, Nunhead American.

Come to my own show tomorrow even though England is playing the Ukraine in an important football match. Barring that, come Wednesday. “Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous.” Free admission but I’d give if I stayed. Payment for laughing is too high an expectation.

@lewisschaffer on twitter

“Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous” Live in Soho
Every Tuesday & Wednesday 8pm Free Admission
Reserve at

Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer
Every Monday 10:30pm 104.4fm London
On iTunes

A hypocrite takes a stand on chopping down the Camberwell Old Cemetery Wood.

11 Jun

10 PM 11th June 2012 Nunhead Heights

I was on my high horse about burials in our cemeteries when I got the call that my friend Dieter is to be buried at Camberwell New Cemetery Tuesday, the 12th. Services at 10AM at St. John’s on Goose Green.

Aerial view of the Camberwell Old Cemetery Wood.

I was to propose stopping burials at the three cemeteries in The Nedd.

[The Nedd is what I call the leafy bit of Southwark – Nunhead Heights, East Dulwich and Dulwich. Maybe Belleden. OK, you come up with a better name.]

They’ve been burying bodies in The Nedd since 1840 – over 170 years. First in Nunhead Cemetery, then council-owned Camberwell Old and Camberwell New Cemeteries. My asking for a ban on burials is akin to moving next to Heathrow and demanding the airport be closed. Chutzpah, or as the English might say, cheeky.

I knew Dieter from Penny’s Father’s Group at the Townley Road Surgery in East Dulwich. A lovely, gently guy. Quite unlike anyone I had known in New York. He died in a motorcycle accident aged about 50. Read what I wrote about him here.

Could I have said to Dieter that he couldn’t be buried in his cemetery? Could I say to his son, Richard, that his father couldn’t be buried in his cemetery?

And to make me a bit more hypocritical, I buried my mother last year in New York. Staten Island. The only time I’ve ever been to Staten Island except for lining up for two New York City Marathons on the far side of the Verranzano Narrows Bridge. That’s almost true. I had been there a few times before that.

Burying my mother was a very satisfying experience – as these things go. The sense of finality, that you are doing the right thing, and that you’ll have someplace to go back to. It soothed me a bit, for a while.

My father, of the same religion, was cremated. Died in a house fire. That’s a joke. He was cremated after he died. I wasn’t soothed. But over time I can’t feel there was much of difference.

Here’s the rub.

There must have been budget cuts in Southwark way back and graves were left to go wild. Acres of Camberwell New and Camberwell Old are beautifully wild woods.

Christians allow for graves to be reused. After 50 or seventy-five years the graves can be re-dug and the newly dead are put in. I don’t think Jews and Muslims allow this.

My guess is that if the cemetery people had mowed and trimmed no one would have noticed or cared if they dug up an old grave. And they wouldn’t have needed planning permission because there were no trees to remove.

But there are now woods over the graves and now we care about trees and bushes and flowers. The Nedd isn’t on the edge of the Great North Wood or in the Surrey countryside anymore. It is in the center of crowded south London.

Southwark Council will need to cut down trees and rip up bushes and flowers and make a wood dead to bury 5000 dead people in the next few years.

The question is:

What can we do to stop, or at least reduce the number of, burials in Southwark so that we can keep our lovely woods?

I’ve made my decision. Please cremate me. Do not bury me on Staten Island.

Click here for my original post about losing the Camberwell Old Cemetery Wood.

And click here for something I wrote about Nunhead Cemetery, in a similar vein.

If you believe that what I have written is untrue, please tell me. If you think it is brilliant, rubbish, or something in-between, please tell me.


At the Edinburgh Fringe: “No, YOU Shut Up!” at the Free [Three] Sisters, Cowgate. Free Admission. 20:15 [8:15PM] “No, YOU Shut Up!” at the Alternative Fringe at the Hive, Niddry Street. Free Admission. 16:45 [4:45PM]

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday at the Source Below. Free admission. Reserve at

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comedian

SO IT GOES - John Fleming's blog

John Fleming’s blog: human interest, humour, humor, comedy blog featuring eccentricity, performance, movies and occasionally a few tears

Nunhead Nags

A blog about Nunhead regeneration

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comic

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comedian

SO IT GOES - John Fleming's blog

John Fleming’s blog: human interest, humour, humor, comedy blog featuring eccentricity, performance, movies and occasionally a few tears

Nunhead Nags

A blog about Nunhead regeneration

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comic