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I told the UK Democrats Abroad I voted for George Bush

29 Aug

3 PM Thursday 29 August 2013 Nunhead Heights

BLOOMSBURY FUNDRAISER Starring Stewart Lee and Me

Stewart Lee, the King of Alternative Comedy in Britain, has slotted me on the Resonance FM fundraiser at the Bloomsbury Theatre September 11th. That is really nice of him.

I hope it goes well.  I am not an alternative comic. I am a failed mainstream comic.

My last two fundraiser appearances went badly.

I was asked to entertain the Democrats Abroad at the Soho Theatre in the early Noughties. I hate Democrats. I hate anyone who says they care about the poor, because they probably don’t. And even if they do care about the poor, one has to ask their motives. Unless they are poor, themselves, and then I hate them for being poor. And I don’t respect any American who prefers living here in England. Only Democrats and the insane would flee America. See me in the second category. Wow, that was a lot of hate!

I told the audience I voted for George W Bush – and you can guess the response. Yes, it wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t true, either. I hadn’t voted since 1984, let alone for George W Bush.  Why did I tell them that?  I don’t like Republicans, either.

In 2002, did a big gala for JK Rowling’s “One Parent Families” charity at the Les Mis Theatre. 1400 seats. Her organisation promotes ripping children away from their fathers. I didn’t know this at the time or I might not have done it. And I didn’t know that later in the year I would have my children ripped away. Semi-instant karma.

I did well comedically, on the night.  I just told jokes. I can do that kind of thing if I want to. I just don’t want to.

Resonance FM is absolutely the best radio station in the world. It has give me a spot for my incompetent anarchy for over four years. Unprecedented. It HAS to be respected for that.

I can guarantee that your hard-earned money will not be wasted on this charity event.

Please come!

Benefit for Resonance FM at The Bloomsbury Theatre.
Organised by and starring Stewart Lee
and featuring me, Lewis Schaffer
Wednesday 11th September 2013
http://www.thebloomsbury.com/event/run/1839 

LEWIS SCHAFFER: NOW ON DRIVE TIME RADIO

Nunhead American Radio, the radio show of me, Lewis Schaffer, and to a lesser degree, Nunhead, returns Monday 9th of September at a new, better, time: 6:30PM.
DRIVE TIME. How incredible is that?
With the amazing Dulwich Ukulele Club providing the music. Over 120 shows since 2009.

Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer
Resonance FM 104.4FM
http://www.lewisschaffer.co.uk/radio/
Mondays, 6:30PM,
Next live show September 9th, 2013

In the land of the one-eyed man, Lewis Schaffer is king.

9 Feb

3AM Saturday 9th February 2013 Nunhead Heights

You know me: If something bad happens to me, I mean really bad, I will blog about it.

Last night at Vivienne and Martin Soan’s lovely Pull the Other One gig in Herne Hill, south east London, something really bad happened. I killed. 

I made the audience laugh so much that there was no doubt I had done well, really well. Usually I have my doubts.

A comic knows when he has done really well.

Everyone wants to talk to you. Everyone wants to touch you. One experienced comic tells you, unsolicited, “Your time has come”. Another tells you how professional you seemed.

Jeff Ross, the now-famous New York comic turned Roastmaster General of the United States, once told me that ‘you know how to bomb; you need to know how to kill’ – using the vernacular of comedy. That was maybe 13 years ago. I assume you all know what ‘bomb’ and ‘kill’ mean.

Well, I killed and it felt weird.

In the front row of last night’s show sat a big black man with one eye and a huge scar on the side of his head. He was wearing a stethoscope, a sling-shot and bells that tinkled as he walked.

He had been shot in the head, I found out later. This was on the edge of Brixton and the area was once rough. It all fell into place like a movie.

‘Hey, look at me’ he was saying. He was casting a pall on the entire show.

During the break, before my set, I went up to him at the bar, to judge if he was going to try and destroy my show, and to somehow mitigate any damage.

Pre-frontal lobotomy. Does anyone young know of them? Where part of a distressed mentally ill person’s brain was scraped out removing the site of excess emotion.

I knew one man who’d had a lobotomy. At least, I guessed he’d had one because he had the tell-tale horseshoe-shaped scar on his temple.

I had a summer job in a lawyers’ publication in Lower Manhattan when I was 17 or 18 and worked with him in the mailroom – back in the 70s. He would smile weakly all the time.

The man at the show had the same look as the mailroom guy. He wasn’t a brute, anymore. If he had ever been one. The bullet had made him genial.

I sensed the one-eyed man just wanted a good time, to ring his bells and have everyone pay a bit of attention to him.

Maybe that is why I’m funny now – consistently funny – or funny most of the time. I can look a man in his eye and know that he isn’t evil. I can know that he isn’t going to try to mess up my show.

All I had to do was ring his bells for him.

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

Lewis Schaffer’s American Guide to England
Leicester Square Theatre – £10
Sundays, March 3rd to April 21st 6 PM (except 7th April at 5PM)

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio 

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow 

Lewis Schaffer to charge £10 on Sundays.

6 Feb

12 Noon Wednesday 6 February 2013 Nunhead Heights

I will be doing a season of shows at Martin Witts’ Leicester Square Theatre on Sundays starting 3rd March 2013 ending 21 April 2013. All shows will start at 6PM except 7th April which starts at 5PM and are scheduled to last for 90 minutes. The lovely theatre will be charging £10.

See him at the Leicester Square Theatre

See him at the Leicester Square Theatre

I anticipate continuing with my free shows at the Source Below every Tuesday and Wednesday.

FLASH: Surely you must have seen Jonathan Schwab’s short film about comedy, man, and me? Click here as soon as you finish reading this. Limited time. www.vimeo.com/56954666

You are thinking: How can Lewis Schaffer charge you ten quid on Sunday when you can see him for free on a Tuesday (or a Wednesday)?

In the coming days I will answer that question in this blog. Or perhaps you can provide an answer yourself in the comment box below? Best answer wins free admission to one of my Free until Famous shows.

Lewis Schaffer’s American Guide to England

The New York comic teaches the English about England*.
Lewis Schaffer isn’t a tourist. He isn’t here on business. He’s a hostage.
*England, includes Scotland, Wales and possibly Ireland.

‘His total indifference to all things British is brilliant.’ (The Scotsman)
‘An hour of nationalistic all-American rhetoric… hilarious.’ (Chortle)
‘He can insult you and love you in the same sentence.’ (Time Out, New York)
‘Controversial…unpredictable…recommended.'(Time Out, London)
‘The new King of Soho’. (londonisfunny.com)

Leicester Square Theatre
6 Leicester Place
London WC2H 7BX
Booking: 08448 733433
Buy here: www.leicestersquaretheatre.com

Other Stuff…

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio 

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow 

My film – Written, Directed, Filmed, and Edited by Jonathan Schwab, without any editorial input or control by Lewis Schaffer.

2 Feb

2 February 2013 Saturday Nunhead Heights

Two days ago I was in a panic over Jonathan Schwab’s film. I didn’t want anyone to see it.

The film makes me look fat, sweaty, failed, still failing, and small time. In other words, it is realistic.

See the film here until 7th February when it will be withdrawn for film festival entry. Lewis Schaffer / Free until Famous by Jonathan Schwab.

At one point, the filmmaker, a German, filmed me bending over to pick up coins that had fallen on the floor of my Soho venue. Coins that were given to me at the end of my ‘free’ show. I predict that someday the scene will be used in anti-Semitic propaganda films. If I didn’t know the filmmaker Jonathan Schwab, I would have thought he was being evil.

I am filmed saying my life is ‘tragic’. My life isn’t any more tragic than any one who has squandered a million opportunities and accomplished little. But there I was, saying ‘I’m tragic’.

Most people who have seen the film think it’s amazing. The FILM is amazing.

Amazing in the same way a David Attenborough footage of a whale chasing a seal is amazing. I wouldn’t want to be seen as either the harassing whale or the harassed seal. The whale is never invited to pick up the Bafta (Emmy, in the USA) with Attenborough. The seal, sadly, is dead, and couldn’t attend even if he wanted to.

But this isn’t the film I would have made.

One good friend, though, comic John Monty Smith of Newcastle, felt that viewers who didn’t know me would think I was desperate and pity me.

Lewis, he told me, ‘your story about moving to the UK and fucking up but now you’re on your way back, about Stewart Lee saying he was a little bit envious of you. Tell a couple of jokes and show how you’ve done 300 gigs in the same venue and you’re getting good reviews and are consistent. Maybe talk about your living conditions, etc.’

The narrative John proposed would be good if a filmmaker came up with it himself. One filmmaker, who I won’t name, did.

He had filmed one of the most successful comedians in the world, around the world, and set out to make such a film about my comeback. Up from death to finish the race. He filmed me a few times, seeing me die horribly under the pressure, and never called me again.

He probably ran because the story line isn’t true, no matter how many times I’ve postulated it. I wanted everyone to believe I was ‘coming back’ and I wanted to believe it, too.

I wasn’t a somebody when I was in New York to come back to. I haven’t changed all that much as comic, in the past 20 years. I am not any more consistent.

The only difference is that the comedy industry or the comedy community – which isn’t industrious or a community – have gotten used to my inconsistency and now seem to enjoy it. Their appreciation has given me the confidence to be even more inconsistent.

If I did have total control over a film about me it would be a bland as those BBC FOUR documentaries which are produced by the artist’s own company – the Bon Jovi film comes to mind – ‘When We Were Beautiful’.

Self-authored films can only be mildly interesting because they never get down and dirty.

‘Why, Mr Bongiovi’, I wanted the film to ask, ‘do you insist on pretending that Bon Jovi is a band of brothers when you own the entire lot and the others just work for you?’

There are alot of those kind of moments in my film. I mean, Jonathan Schwab’s film. 

Now I am in a panic that not everyone who matters is going to see me in MY film.

Lewis Schaffer / Free until Famous by Jonathan Schwab.

*Stewart Lee, for my American readers, is one of the two or three most respected comics in the Britain, and a leader of the new comedy generation, if there can be a leader of that. He name checked me in his latest DVD and did not trash me, which was really nice. Then again, I wasn’t asked to be on his TV show for ‘alternative’ comedians.]

New Shows at the Leicester Square Theatre
Lewis Schaffer’s American Guide to England
Every Sunday from March 3rd. 6PM. £10 ($16)
www.leicestersquaretheatre.com

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio 

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow 

I’m turned noir: The film I didn’t want you to see.

30 Jan

3PM Wednesday 30th January 2013 Nunhead Heights.

Comedy guru John Fleming reported the other day that I blocked Jonathan Schwab’s film about me.

I did not.

I only preferred that the film wasn’t seen. [John’s Blog ‘The Film of comedian Lewis Schaffer you cannot currently see online.’]

The German filmmaker himself restricted access to the film because he felt it was still a work in progress and to clear entry into American and European film festivals.

The film reminded me of FW Murnau, Fritz Lang, Werner Hertzog and even Orson Welles. If you’re into comedy and tragedy you’ll probably enjoy watching it. It’s brilliant.

I only wish it isn’t about me. You’ll see why when you view it. Or maybe I am wrong.

Because of the John’s blog I’ve asked Jonathan to allow the film to be seen. Or maybe because I am a poor judge of these things? Anyway, Jonathan Schwab has generously allowed access – but only for one week.

‘Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous’ by Jonathan Schwab.

On 7th of February access will be denied.

Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous at the Source Below
The Longest Running Solo Comedy Show in London
11 Lower John Street, W1F 9TY
8 PM – Every Tuesday and Wednesdays.
www.sourcebelow.com

Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer – Since 2009
Mondays 10:30 PM on Resonance Radio 104.4 in London and www.resonancefm.com/listen.

The latest Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer re-broadcast is on iTunes bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio
Real radio.

twitter @lewisschaffer

Have your taxes prepared by BritishAmericanTax.com – available for British taxpayers as well as the American Taxpaying Community.

“Where there is disarray, Lewis Schaffer creates chaos.” (Chortle) “An hour with Lewis Schaffer is an hilarious, cathartic, exhilaratingly appalling experience.” (The Scotsman)

Peregrine Falcon spotted on Nunhead Heights. News of Nunhead for 10 Dec 2012.

10 Dec

Listen TONIGHT at 10:30 GMT or 5:30PM UK time to Nunhead American Radio. www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. 

9 PM Monday 10th December 2012 Nunhead Heights.

Nunhead, Southeast London, is also what Germans call the white bit of the finger nail – Das Nun’s Head. Did you know this? No? I made this up. Nonne Kopf!

The News of Nunhead

Friend Doug Brooks of Friends of One Tree Hill spotted a Peregrine Falcon atop Nunhead’s highest point over the weekend.

The Peregrine Falcon’s name means ‘wandering falcon’ and is the Official Bird of Nunhead American Radio. I just decided this today.

The southern link of  London Overground trains opened on 9th December linking east London with southwest London.

1.3 miles of track were re-laid to connect Surrey Quays (pronounced ‘keys’) with Nunhead and points west. This allowed the 150 year-old South London Line rail trains to be removed from service. Now it’ll take 15 minutes to get to Clapham but 40 minutes to get to Victoria from Peckham Rye Station.

We will ask our guest, Councillor and friend Renata Hamvas, what can be done about this!

According to the Southwark News, East Dulwich artist Heather Burrell is to recreate from old shoes the stolen Barbara Hepworth statue. The Dulwich Park art was believed taken for its scrap metal value. Why old shoes? Who’d steal old shoes.

Peckham Open 2012 & Charity Art Auction Event, which Nunhead Arts is involved in is happening at Peckham Space. The exhibition is running from 30 November – 20 December. Check out Nunhead Arts website. I don’t know what this is but it is something!

The Nunhead Community Choir, led by friend Richard Swan, is having a festive pub carol crawl on Sunday 16 December. Meet at the Rye Hotel at 2pm at the bottom of Peckham Rye. I have often crawled pubs Carolling. Also Debbying, and Sarahing, and Elizabething…

They’ll be at the following pubs at the approximate times singing:

2pm – The Rye Hotel, Peckham Rye,
3pm – The Old White Horse, Nigel Road, Peckham
4pm – The Old Nun’s Head, Nunhead Green
5pm – The Waverley Arms, Ivydale Road – ‘followed by the usual carousing and raucous behaviour leading to embarrassing videos on Facebook in the morning.’

THIS JUST IN: Save the Ivy House has just received an offer of funding from the Architectural Heritage Fund. The plan is to buy the Ivy House and run it as a cooperative pub and community hub. Keep informed on twitter and @Save_Ivy_House and at the Save the Ivy House website.

Tonight’s guests are the brilliant Brian Damage and Krysstal, famous musicians I’ve known for years. Nunheader Ed Hammond was scheduled but he’s coming in next week. Instead we have Renata Hamvas, Nunhead Heights Southwark Council councilor talking about the trains! And maybe the cemeteries and parking and bicycles…

With the Dulwich Ukulele Club, our house band, and a new song for Christmas! Lisa Moyle is our lovely co-host, and Chris Dixon, our Man. Possibly Claudio on the desk. Who knows?

LISTEN!

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio 

Go to our facebook page! Nunhead American Radio.

Shows restart 8 January 2012: See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow 

Nunhead Nudist Loses Turner Prize. This, and other News Of Nunhead 3 Dec 2012

3 Dec

9 PM Monday 3 December 2012 Increasingly in Demand Nunhead Heights.

Nunhead, Nunhead. At least the place isn’t called Bellenden, as in bell end. Or Dulwich, as in dull. or Peckham as is – yuck, Peckham. And no one likes Brockley, as in broccoli (except me). PS Those are neighboring areas.

Listen tonight to Nunhead American Radio, Monday evening at 10:30PM. On www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London.

The most viewed map of London has had an empty space where Nunhead is. Peckham Rye is being added to the tube map, which is an slight improvement.

New trains starting next week now provide direct service to Clapham Junction in the West and Canary Wharf in the East for people in Lower Nunhead but make it harder to reach Victoria and London Bridge.

The sister community of Bellenden is promoting a campaign to restore the South London Line after London Bridge is rebuilt. See weblink above.

Black dog with white patches, slightly bigger and similar looking to a Jack Russell terrier, has free run of Nunhead Heights, the increasingly in-demand area of London. Tell the Southeast Central Forum what you know about the dog or the owner. 

Goats’ Cheese Fondue, Marinated Artichoke & Beetroot Focaccia at Frog on The Green, Nunhead – has been rated the best sandwich in Nunhead according to the London Review of Sandwiches.

Congratulations to our friend John Gionleka, a guest of Nunhead American Radio and go his restaurant! It is delicious.

Our scheduled guests this week are comic musician Christian Steele who shares a similar situation, child and wife-wise, as I do. Speaking out for the Ivy House is Hugo Simms and @Save_Ivy_House campaign (on twitter) and lovely French photographer Elisabeth Blanchet talking about her photographs of World War Two-era prefabricated housing in Nunhead.

This Just In: Nunhead nudist artist Spartacus Chetwynd has not won the Turner Prize. Nunhead is safe from the star-chasers who would have come to Nunhead to gawk at our Turner Prize-winning Nunhead nudist-artists. 

Lisa Moyle is back. Enjoy! And Chris Dixon!

@lewisschaffer – twitter feed 

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio 

 See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday: Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous, The Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY. Come on down. Free admission. Or reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow 

 

 

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comedian

John Fleming's blog - SO IT GOES

John Fleming’s blog: human interest, humour, humor, comedy blog featuring eccentricity, performance, movies and occasionally a few tears

Nunhead Nags

A blog about Nunhead regeneration

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comic

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comedian

John Fleming's blog - SO IT GOES

John Fleming’s blog: human interest, humour, humor, comedy blog featuring eccentricity, performance, movies and occasionally a few tears

Nunhead Nags

A blog about Nunhead regeneration

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comic