Why I’m boycotting the Paralympics.

5:00 PM Wednesday 29th August 2012 Nunhead Heights.

I’m still waiting for that “disability campaigner” to write her blog and skewer me as prejudiced against disabled people.

I introduced myself at the Story Tellers show at the Pleasance in Edinburgh two weeks ago with “Wow, paralyzed people! It’s good to see paralyzed people here. Edinburgh isn’t a paralyzed friendly place.”

There were two people in wheelchairs in the first row.

I didn’t know you couldn’t use the word “paralyzed” or even notice they were there, right in the front row. A tumult erupted. The two of them walked out – or rolled out – on me. The man returned and the woman stayed away.

You can read my view on the gig at “The worst gig of the fringe”.

I’m probably now banned from the Pleasance. I’m also a persona non grata at the Underbelly, the Assembly, and the Gilded Balloon – the ‘Big Four’ Edinburgh fringe venues.

And I can’t work the Counting House anymore, either. That was my venue at last year’s fringe – which is good, in retrospect. I enjoyed the Hive and the Three Sisters, my two new venues this year, even though someone at the Hive went through my suitcase and stole maybe £600, or more. Maybe £800. A fool and his money are soon parted. It is said that a fool doesn’t deserve to have money. I don’t have money.

After the Story Tellers show I almost drowned in horrendous self-blame. I sent a letter of apology to the ‘disability campaigner’ and to the Pleasance. I reimbursed the promoter for the tickets the Pleasance had to refund.

And waited for the storm to erupt. And waited. And waited.

Nothing. No blog. No stink in the press calling for the walking and the non-walking to boycott my shows. I haven’t been tarred and feathered. Nothing on the internet. I haven’t heard a word about it.

A relief.

But I’ve reconsidered.

If that lady doesn’t write that blog damning me I’m going to sue her for destroying my show, for making it impossible for me to work at the Pleasance, for making me worry unnecessarily. I’m going to demand the money back from the Pleasance.

Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she was fighting with their boyfriend or didn’t want to go some dreadful Story Telling Show. Story Telling is like poetry, an excuse not to be funny. That said, comic Grainne Maguire was on the bill and she can’t help but be funny.

Or the ‘disability campaigner’ could have been just another punter who decides to try to destroy a show for the sole reason they are jealous that someone else is getting attention. That happens.

Just because someone is in a wheelchair doesn’t mean they have a right to throw a spanner into a night out and mess up Lewis Schaffer’s attempt to be loved. It doesn’t mean they can be a jerk.

I now flinch when I see a wheelchair. Is that user going to mess me up, too? I wasn’t scared of people in wheelchairs before. I am now.

That is how prejudice starts: One bad incident with one bad person.

My fear of wheelchair users will end when a wheelchair user tells me they know that my motives were good. And that they’ll reimburse me the £30 I gave to the promoter. Maybe even apologize on behalf of the entire wheelchair using community, and tell me how much they love me.

And maybe they can start to come to my shows and give me even more money, except I am in a basement venue in Soho without a lift. Britain isn’t a very wheelchair friendly place. That was the point I was trying to make in the first place when I was so rudely interrupted by that woman.

Until then I’m boycotting the Paralympics.

Wheelchair users please write your apologies below.

@lewisschaffer on twitter

“Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous” Live in Soho
Every Tuesday & Wednesday 8pm Free Admission
Reserve at www.sourcebelow.com

Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer
Every Monday 10:30pm
www.resonancefm.com 104.4fm London
On iTunes www.bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

The worst gig of the Fringe. The wheelchair users ‘walk’ out.

18 August 2012 Saturday Edinburgh Fringe Festival

The worst part about doing comedy is that sometimes the audience winds up hating me.

I want people to like me – that’s my primary motivation as a comedian – there are other reasons I do it but that’s the main one. When an audience hates me it’s the exact opposite to where I want to be.

Last night… Last night went spectacularly wrong.

I was doing a five minute guest spot at Sarah Bennetto’s lovely, cosy, intimate Story Tellers at the Pleasance. I was supposed to tell a five minute story. I had no idea what I was going to talk about when I got to the stage. I wasn’t feeling up for it because I don’t think of myself as a story teller, per se. There are stories in my show but they are buried in the jokes.

I didn’t approach the stage in a loving way. I am in new venue with a new audience I don’t usually cater to.  

The audience didn’t expect intense interaction. I didn’t realize this. 

I see two people in wheelchairs in the front row. I am surprised. Two wheelchair users at one show in Edinbugh? I haven’t seen even one at my shows.
 
I say: “Wow, it’s good to see paralyzed people here. Edinburgh is not a paralyzed friendly place.” 

In the context of the show, I can see how this could come across as belittling them but I was genuinely pleased to see them.

My comic tone – my human tone – wasn’t as loving as it should be. You could also blame it on that.

It was a story telling gig. They weren’t in stand up comedy mode. Bad call on my part. You can blame it on that.

The audience went cold. It’s on videotape. 

I dug deeper. “That’s the first time that has happened to me I usually have a go at black people.” That was meant as a joke. 

I’m in trouble.

The two wheelchair users make for the door. I rush off stage: “Stop, don’t leave.” I plead. “This isn’t my show. I’m leaving. The other acts are not like me.” 

The woman exits. The man turns and stays. Three people follow the woman. Far below my average for leavers, but still high. The other night 40 out of 65 left. That’s another post.

Outside, the wheelchair-using woman asks me why I called the two of them “you people”? Did I call them that? I don’t think so but if I did I didn’t intend to offend.

I am not allowed to assume wheelchair users “paralyzed” and I didn’t realise paralysed was a pejorative term.

I fled from the Pleasance Courtyard.

Rarely do comics set about to hurt someone. 

Once, at a gig in southwest London during my first year here in Britain, I did. I faced some troublesome Australian punters in the front row. I had a flashback to my ill-fated Australian visit where I was hated in 22 cities and towns. It made the paper in Frankson, Victoria.

I wasn’t feeling loving at all. I blurted “I don’t like Australians. No, that’s not true.” I pointed at the worst offender. “I just don’t like YOU.”

And then the beer was thrown all over me.

That was the last time.

Sarah texted me last night and told me that the woman was a disability campaigner and that a formal complaint was being lodged against me and the Pleasance.

People hated me last night. I’m sad about that.

Two Shows at the Fringe
4:45 PM The Hive and 8:15 PM at the Three Sisters.

Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous in Soho
Every Tuesday & Wednesday 8pm Free Admission
Reserve at http://www.sourcebelow.com

Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer
Every Monday 10:30pm
http://www.resonancefm.com 104.4fm  London
On iTunes http://www.bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadi