Thank God King George Lost America

1 Jun

Friday 31 May 2012 Nunhead Heights

“George III was a schmuck for losing the American colonies. If he had given the Americans representation then the revolution wouldn’t have happened.”

That, of course, is total rubbish.

Losing America was either brilliant or lucky. It is the main reason that there is still a English monarchy. It is probably the main reason there is still an England as we know it – with tea, queuing (orderly waiting in lines), stiff upper lips and the Queen ‘s Diamond Jubilee.

What would England be like had the British in the colonies been given full representation in the British Parliament? The one man, one vote stuff.

America has more than five times as many citizens as the United Kingdom – 315 million to 60 million.  Imagine the House of Commons in London for this “The United Kingdom of England, Scotland, the United States of America, Canada, Australia, et al.” Old Nations Members of Parliament – the ones representing England, Scotland, Wales and a bit of Ireland – would have only 14% of the seats. 91 seats out of 650 – Liberal Democrat numbers.  Representatives from the United States would make up 72% of the seats or 468 representatives. All hypothetically, mind you.  

Old Britain would be swamped by the colonials. The power of the monarchy would have been diluted to eventual extinction.

According to Peter Wilby’s piece in the Guardian this week, the monarchy stands for “hierarchy, hereditary privilege, deference, feudalism, unearned wealth.”

The monarchy also stands for not working. The Queen goes out and looks at things that others have made. She looks after her own family interests. She is busy. She isn’t producing on demand for other people, which is what work is. She cannot be fired – at least easily.

And the Royals stand for doing things the way they have always been done. They stand for the status quo. A hot water faucet and a cold water faucet in the bathroom sink – one to scald your hands the other to freeze them – when one mixer tap would do. But no, “We have always done it that way!”

Those are completely un-American values. I don’t think those values go down well in Canada or the Antipodes, either. Those  values couldn’t have survived side by side in a Parliament with the vast majority of elected officials following the faith of meritocracy, accomplishment and hard work. And contrary to what Australians tell you, they are very hardworking. And they don’t like people who put on airs.

America was founded by people who got rid of the English king in 1649 and then fled for their lives and minds when that king’s son was brought back into power 1660.

Britain is analogous to the ship in the 1955 movie “Mr. Roberts”. Henry Fonda, the rebellious ships second in command fights for the betterment of his fellow sailors against the tyrannical captain, James Cagney.

Fonda fails to change the USS Reluctant and accepts transfer to a fighting ship. Just as the captain is savoring the peace that came with the removal of his nemesis, his obsequious and cowardly ships’ assistant, played by Jack Lemmon, previously in the thrall of the Cagney, turns colors and takes Henry Fonda’s place. But Cagney’s look says it all: “I’ll break him or send him away, too.”

America is the fighting ship that Henry Fonda gets sent to. Americans are the rebels that the English sent away. What remained in England were people who supported hierarchy, hereditary privilege, deference, feudalism, unearned wealth, the status quo and the prospect of not working, or who were too lazy to fight it.

17th and 18th Century England was like a struggling early 21st Century bank – Northern Rock say – who were split into two. The “good bank” with deposits and the strong loans and the “bank bank” with the toxic “assets” which they believed they’d never see a return. The British Islands were the “good bank” and the Thirteen American colonies the “bad bank” – filled with troublemakers, non-conformists, ideologues, and super-businesspeople.

Wittingly, or unwittingly, the ruling elite of England created a safety valve for Britain in America. America assured them of their own survival.

Am I the first one to think of this? Surely not.

If the English in England want to have a royal family and all that rot, who am I to be angry with them? They chose to stay here and it is their country. They chose to break away from America. Why should I go and protest their choice?

I can rest easy. My English children have American passports and are free to live there, if they so wish.

Another post about the Royal Family: The real reason why the English keep the royals. 

**** Thank you for reading this. Please write a comment and tell me if you think what I have written is not rubbish, half rubbish or all rubbish.  All comments, no matter how negative, are appreciated.

@lewisschaffer on twitter

Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous in Soho
Every Tuesday & Wednesday 8pm Free Admission
Reserve at

Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer
Every Monday 10:30pm 104.4fm London
On iTunes


6 Responses to “Thank God King George Lost America”

  1. Shaun hutchings June 2, 2012 at 12:19 am #

    One of the really good things about England is Lewis Schaffer.

  2. Lewis Schaffer June 2, 2012 at 1:26 am #

    This is From Lord Julian Goodman:

    You don’t half talk tosh! lol
    There is no English monarchy. There hasn’t been an English monarchy since the Act of Union in 1707, LONG before the United States was even a twinkle in Washington’s eye! There is however a British monarchy, but we’ve been through all this before!
    The United Kingdom was only ever uniting England & Scotland, though 100 years later the Irish were united along with Great Britain. Wales was always included as a Principality of England. None of the other overseas territories were represented in the House of Commons, but in their own autonomous Parliaments.

    I know you live in England and consequently have no idea what is happening in the rest of the UK, but if you’re going to talk about England, don’t keep interchanging it with Britain when you don’t actually mean Britain, and vice versa.
    “the ruling elite of England created a safety value for Britain in America”
    Why can’t you say “the ruling elite of England created a safety value [sic] for England in America” or even “the ruling elite of Britain made a safety valve* for Britain in America”?

    If you don’t know the difference between the two different countries/states, or when they shouldn’t be interchanged, then stop using both and stick to only one. It really is insulting to the citizens in other constituent nations to be disregarded so frequently, yet expected to embrace the history of the US while your ancestors & those of mine not already in the UK were still in Europe, dodging history to the best of their ability!

    Furthermore, Britain has always been full of “troublemakers, non-conformists, ideologues, and super-businesspeople” too, it’s what has made British History so interesting and colourful. America doesn’t have a monopoly on all these ideas or ideals either. There is nothing to stop you having mixer taps in your bathroom, believe it or not this is a free country (at the moment)!

    Oh, and just so you know, the Scottish monarchy is actually older than the English monarchy, and until the Act of Union, it was the Scottish monarchy that inherited the English Crown, and not the other way round. So, if you insist on continuing to mix up Britain, England and the UK and therefore make nonsense of historical facts, I’d suggest you drop England altogether from your rants, and blame the Scots instead. You’ve got a better chance of getting it right! ;o) xx
    about an hour ago

    Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s get down to the real stuff. I don’t understand why you feel the need to keep having a pop at the Monarchy here and the Establishment for that matter! When I look at the US, I can’t see them spending any less on their Head of State than we do here, and yet I can’t see Obama changing his socks as anywhere near as big a tourist attraction & revenue creator as The Changing of the Guard or The Queen Trooping The Colour!

    I like having a Head of State that is above politics, and the stability that has despite any change in power in Parliament. I think I live in a much fairer society than in the US, where despite the Tories’ best attempts just now, we still look after our weak, poor and disadvantaged, with our NHS but also our social fabric. I like living in a society where it is NOT the norm for people to own, or Police to carry guns. I like living in a society where we can lampoon either our Head of State or Prime Minister without some loony calling us traitors and attacking us. We have all these freedoms and benefits that are not afforded to many living under a Presidency, and I’m rather proud of that.

    There are many Presidencies where the “First Family” get perks, backhanders & jobs for the boys, which is so corruptible, yet here in this antiquated constitutional monarchy, The Royal Family and their finances are scrutinised by Parliament, so we know where our money is going!

    Of all the countries in the world I’d feel comfortable living in to the same standard of freedoms and fairness, not one of them is a republic! You talked of the hard working Australians, and yet it is interesting to note that despite being asked, they have not yet chosen to become a republic either! If this is such a bad system to live under, why have we, since the dawn of history, been such a magnet for immigrants? Britain has always been, and I hope always will be, a huge melting pot of different nationalities settling here and hugely influencing society, and all under a monarchy. We must surely be doing something right?


  1. Prince Charles gives away his empire « Lewis Schaffer - June 6, 2012

    […] Thank God King George lost America. What would have happened if America was given fair representation in the British Parliament. […]

  2. The Queen, My Mother and I. Oh, and Holden Caulfield. Some final words on the Jubilee. « Lewis Schaffer - June 6, 2012

    […] Thank God King George lost America. What would have happened if America was given fair representation in the British Parliament. […]

  3. America blamed for burial crisis in Nunhead. The News of Nunhead for 2 July 2012. « Lewis Schaffer - July 2, 2012

    […] in Parliament. The two nations, now two peoples, are better because of it. Read my post about this: Thank God King George Lost America. It is something you might not have thought […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comedian

SO IT GOES - John Fleming's blog

John Fleming’s blog: human interest, humour, humor, comedy blog featuring eccentricity, performance, movies and occasionally a few tears

Nunhead Nags

A blog about Nunhead regeneration

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comic

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comedian

SO IT GOES - John Fleming's blog

John Fleming’s blog: human interest, humour, humor, comedy blog featuring eccentricity, performance, movies and occasionally a few tears

Nunhead Nags

A blog about Nunhead regeneration

Lewis Schaffer

Nunhead American Comic

%d bloggers like this: